Sunday, December 06, 2009

Xenophobes are from Mars, Slumdogs are from Venus

[To those of my readers not in the know, Vivek Wadhwa is one of the many charlatans pushing for more “guest workers” from his mother country, who is also not a great fan of mah Chinese homies. ]

Aw, Fraudhwa, my little sahib, may I call you Fraudy? I read your tantrum in Bollycrunch that you posted on a Saturday when most of your caucasian friends who weren’t in front of their vaporous ‘CrunchPads’ that your industrious people didn’t make, didn’t read.

We have to talk. I mean you deleted the comments, but not the replies, of numerous dissenters like me, the briefest one being:

{deleted TC comment just=one.of.many;}

“Oh, c’mon Vivek, I can refute your WHOLE ARTICLE in two words:

“Fusion Garage”

You’ve been benched!

Good Day Sir!

{/deleted TC comment}

So all comedic Willy Wonkery aside, here we are-

I’m sure you’ve read the ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’’ book & all that relationship stuff, right? Well.. my little sahib, I think it’s time for you and I, and by that pronoun I of course mean ‘America’ to go our separate ways. Because it’s not working out.

I mean seriously. The constant thin-skinned name calling that’s typical of you “fair & white” poseur upper caste south asians and your dual-hypenated allegiance to the old country. Two timing us like that. Calling us 'dumb'.

The relationship’s gotta end, my little sahib.

You can have your ‘Xenophobe’ name for me. Seriously, not losing any sleep. At all. You and your ‘fair & white’ brigade can continue your sack of Silicon Valley, along with your guilty or clueless Caucasian liberal friends. But I get to keep ‘Slumdog’. And now I will tell you why, my little sahib-

Did you really think this was some little epithet to make you feel ashamed or something? By now we know your caste has no shame. Or ethics. And we know who the guilty are in this sordid little play of yours.

You see, my little sahib, Slumdog is a brand. Just like, to you, ‘Indian Innovation’ is a brand. A fiction of ‘Wurds’ as George Carlin would say[vid, NSFW]. It doesn’t really exist except in the minds of the ‘consumers’ you are trying to con grift reach with your pitch.

It’s ‘condensing fact from the vapor of nuance’ that means different things to different people’. So, just for you, my little sahib, let’s see what Slumdog means, shall we?

To Americans, of the almost 1 in 5 who have lost their jobs it means something like-

Wifey and I watched "Slumdog Millionaire" last week, and I can't help but be struck by the similarity of the thugs in that movie and the goons at Apex. BTW, "Slumdog Millionaire" is an excellent movie. A great story, and an appalling expose of the sewer that is India. Of course the victims in that movie, the kids from the slums, were Muslim Indians. The portrayal of the oppressive upper-caste Hindus was not very flattering -- it shows them attacking and burning innocent slumdwellers. Now I can understand why Hindus are so upset about the term "slumdog" -- it refers to the lower-castes and the Muslims who by fate are victims of the facist Hindu regime.

[From Life of an I.T. Grunt | Notes From The Trenches of Software Development. ]

…and normal Americans are waking up to this fact. Well. Some are. Others are not.

To the multitudes of compliant & complicit H1B slaves who came here under fraudulent auspices and displaced those Americans, it’s their badge of shame. It signifies that we know that they’re being exploited by their own shyster slaveowners, and that our corporations & government are complicit in this new human trafficking *cough* I’m sorry, I’ll use the polite term ‘labor arbitrage’ that extends human misery here on all sides[vid] except the ones who profit off it.

To the normal folks who don’t use a hyphenated allegiance to an ancestral country of origin, whose thuggee "peers" try to keep in line with terms like IBCD, who have lived and raised generations of children here— it represents their annoyance that now the rest of us now know that charlatans like you exist. And that you undermine them and anyone else leading a virtuous life by your actions-- that of an upper-caste global elitist who will soon be booed off the stage: Kamar Aulakh of the Quark Debacle [2] , Sarika Plagarina [2] & the many others like you are the tip of the iceberg, my little sahib, of which I will speak of next:

To the upper-caste, sunglass wearing, ‘fair and white’, deceitful desi charlatans, such as yourself, my little sahib; ‘Slumdog’ is the monkey on your back that you will NEVER escape, even if you flee back to the old country where your own people know well of your kind. It’s a black mark that will remain with you all your days no matter how much you attempt to bleach it out and turn yourselves into Michael Jackson. It is your karma, no? I mean-

The whiter you get, the more guilty you look, to the “guest worker” slaves, to other folks of South Asian ancestry who have lived a virtuous life here, and to the Americans that are waking up to your reptilian ways.

You know, my little sahib, it might be a good time to cut your losses and for your kind to just go back to doing what you do in the motherland before you antagonize *another* country like Australia, China, Japan.. before innocent folks are expelled from those countries because of your greed.

It just takes awhile, my little sahib, because, as you say, we are a stupid people. I mean really, entrusting our private medical records & financial identities to offshore BPOs? Yeah, I admit, that's pretty stupid.

Alas, my little sahib, but your little elitist upper-caste tricks very soon will not work here anymore. Moreover, in will come the Chinese, who have been here before you darkened (or is it whitened?) our doorway, but that’s another story. And we owe’em big, again, due to our own stupidity. Anyway, we know you guys are trying to trying to sack as much as possible before the Chinese marginalize you. And we all know that you think our Chinese friends are as dumb as stupid as we are.

Oh, my little sahib, what has been seen said cannot be unsaid.

(cue great big sigh)

And so, my little sahib, you’re right. Dark skinned Americans of the lower caste like me should go back to our mountain caves, and figure out how we will clean up this mess — that is mostly the fault of the greedy among us. After all, it's our mountain, and we will be here long after you have left with your petty ill-gotten gains.

Now, my little sahib, go skulk back to whatever Venusian rock you crawled out from under, and assuage yourself by applying some more ‘fair & white’ cream, so that you’ll be a bit more pale when all of us see you next.

Oh, and ‘Good Day, Sir!’

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going back to re-reading The Jungle Book, and wondering how to extract the cobras from my garden.

Mentok out.

"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex" (John Gray)

"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (Roald Dahl)

"The Jungle Book (Unabridged Classics)" (Rudyard Kipling)


Vivek said...


Tunnel Rat said...

It takes some nerve for a NASSCOM shill like Vivek to generalize the entire American techie community as neanderthals just because they are not buying his lies.

Good shit.

Keep it up!