Thursday, February 25, 2010

Info Warfare 101, the Drunky Way. Cyber BS Not Included.

As some of you know, CNN did that dumb roundtable I call CyberBullshitStorm a couple days ago, filled with that incompetent Chertoff and a bunch of other Katrina failures. FINE. Once again, Drunky must school hippies.

It is the near future. Uncle Steve Jobs, before being put in a 'Bloom Box' is the POTUS. He has TWO PHONES on his desk. One is the HOTLINE. The other is an ORANGE PHONE labelled 'Upstream ISPs'. With this system Uncle Steve can solve ANY 'overseas botnet DOS' in like 15 minutes of time. How?

Simple. Blocklisting entire countries. Seriously, there are sites out there what offer blocklists in any format you want. Personally, I block India. ALL OF INDIA. It's trivially easy. And as the bulk of net traffic still routes thru the USA, this is a valid threat. I mean seriously, visit country ip blocks if you don't believe me.

Here's a typical scenario:

1/ CyberBullshitStorm attack starts. SysAdms quickly figure out where the originating countries are by ip block. They don't even have to be exact, as that's the responsibility of the offending countries.

2/ Orange Phone rings. POTUS appraised, thinks to himself, 'Da Fuck?' POTUS puts upstreams on hold or leaves them on intercom to listen in for kicks.

3/ POTUS puts offending countries on the HOTLINE and tells them something to the effect of 'You muthafuckas have 10 minutes to cut this shit out or you get put on the national blocklist for 2 or more weeks'. No email. No web. None of our high quality porn. Suck it!

4/ ChingChong tinpot on the other end doesn't believe him. POTUS gives the upstreams on the ORANGE PHONE the 4 offending two letter dom country codes for this scenario: India, Russia, Venezuela, China. All of a sudden, no more Youtube, bitches. No more TOR to those blocks. No. More. Because the upstreams control the traffic. Congratulations.

Your country just became the world's largest Windows file sharing server, and you can circle-jerk each other for 2 weeks.

5/ Lather Rinse Repeat until it sinks in. It sinks in. QUICKLY. Chingchong Dictator visits whelp BotHerder and gives him 2 to the cranium and charges his family. END OF STORY.

Total time used: about 30-45 minutes.

Q. E. Fcukin' D. And if you think that upstreams don't cut off infected 'customers' and whole countries during a worm spread then you don't know how teh internets work. NO PERMISSION REQUIRED to defend your network. Fsck'em.

And this, dear children is why when Boomers get all up in Uncle Drunky's grill like they 'invented the Internets' I wanna shove them in a Bloom Box.

Bloom Boxes are built of Boomer Biomass. Soylent Green for the now.

Drunky out.

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