Thursday, February 25, 2010

Happy 55th Birthday Uncle Steve. You Mean SOB.

So. Recently I heard that Uncle Steve turned 55 years 'young' as the Boomers like to consider themselves.

So I guess I get to kill another bottle for YA-Boomer who I have some modicum of respect for.

So, Uncle Steve, here's to you for:

  • Keeping my iPhone relatively bug-free.
  • In fact, thanks you for embracing HTML5 over shitty browser plugins and their lazy mostly offshore-anyway vendors.
  • Pissing off all the wannabes & freetards by banning pr0n in the AppStore.
  • Not outsourcing every single job to the bumfuck 3rd world like those other guys with their shitty browser plugins and big talk.
  • And when you do, walking the walk and manning up with the local thugs there. E tu Foxconn? What's a beat up reporter and a balcony dive between friends?
  • But iTMS Support in India? What's up with that? The Chinese can copy and paste just as well.
  • And, it seems, Aperture Development & Test. Since when did Aperture get as shitty as 'lazy' Photoshop?

Nobody's perfect. Not even Uncle Steve. I guess battling .500 is the Amelickan standard now.

Just remember kids, the bad seeds never die. And if anyone's gonna pay to have himself stuck in a vat living on forever as an AI ala Wintermute the only guy with enough gall & ego to do that is, c'est Uncle Steve Jobs.

And to Uncle Steve: I advise you to lay off the Indians and stick with Chinese quality. At least they have some. Especially when you're shopping for that special oversize vat- because we want you to stick around-- not end up like any Toyota made after 2005. In fact, I've found the perfect container, that 'Bloom Energy' thing, just think, the pure evil that you generate would pay for itself and you could remain 'hands on' over at the mothership while powering it -- at the same time!

Amelicka needs more mean sons o' bitches like YOU! Preferably IMMORTAL.

Mentok out.

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