Monday, February 15, 2010

"Computer Engineer" Action Figures for the New Millenium

So. Now that Mattel basically understand that by demographics Barbie is neither white nor male, who are her 'Friends' - and by that I mean 'economic clients and competition'? First, to review:

"Computer Engineer Bâ Bí" - Trendy, Asian, Female. Covered most extensively in mah last blog post. Competes with, is better at stealing I.P. on the job, and is more competent than:

"Computer Engineer Vivek" - No, not that other guy, the name Vivek is like 'John Smith' in the homeland. Clothes: Wrinkly suit & tie, worn every day, impossibly white shirt, flip-flops or falling apart leather sandals worn to the office. Accessories: Beat-up old Thinkpad, Keychain full of small, beat up USB Thumb Drives labelled "Network Security Resumes" "SAP Specialist Resumes" "Software Engineering Resumes" and finally "Copy/Pasties from DICE"; key to apartment shared with 15 other Viveks. Unlike Bâ Bí, seems to have no skill with any computer software other than Windows XP, Frontpage, or Office. Keeps trying to 'learn Flash' because there's rupees in that.

"Corrupt NJ Judge Whopper" - He hates teh internets and eats at McDonalds. Accessories include greasy robe, slippery gavel, and penchant for injunctions against abstract things. Like 'blogs'. Shares bar tabs with his friend..

"Desi Bodyshop Overseer Ram / Ricky" - Cheap sunglasses, South Asian slave-labor contracts, and a stack of Passports ('bonded' from H1Bs). Also comes with "The New American Dictionary of Baby Names" for those occasional pesky calls from locals looking for a legitimate job.

"Mumbai Donald" - As in the last blog poste, former boyfriend to Bâ Bí above, taught her English, then dumped. Puffy resume, even puffier logic, white, old, Liberal, Boomer with a suitcase full of rupees from NASSCOM. Central themes: 'How soon to sell out is now?' or 'The Chinese are evil, so what I'm doing is okay.'

"Berkeley Professor Mader" - Or , "Doc Chod" for short, he's a slippery 'research fellow' and 'guest professor' of a number of Universities. But seriously. UC Berkeley will let anyone in, as long as they're not too pale. He shares the same penchant for having thumbdrives full of the copypasta of others, only these are labelled 'Academic Kudos', 'Consultancies', and the largest one 'Research Papers' which should be put in double double quotes. Always a 'guest blogger', never a perm, not even at the blog of the next wooden head:

"Sad Mikey" - Self styled 'Venture Capitalist', actually trust fund baby from the 'bay, boned by a Tamil who renamed & then ran with his idea for vaporous hardware that used to sound like 'munch-sad'. The new vapors now sound like 'Poo-Poo', available real soon, say, before your next bowel movement.

The last three (in)action figures, being male all have 'kung-fu grip'.. but only to the optional 'blogger keyboard' accessory. And remember, you can use these molds for like, 25 years because these pieces of plastic are never going away.

Greetings for the day!!

Mentok out.

"Barbie My Favorite Career Vintage Miss Astronaut Barbie Doll" (Mattel)

1 comment:

LVB said...

Great blog. :)