iPad: Y'all been done FUTURE PUNKED by Uncle Steve

[UPDATE: For alla youse who don't wanna sift, here's the link for the best analysis of the iPad to date from Frasier Speirs, the Flickr/Aperture Export guy. Thanks me later.]

Hey clubkids, it's your Uncle Drunky with yet more ranty-ravy gravy for you to drank up on. We're nowhere near 2015 yet, but thanks to Uncle Steve we're well on our way. And here's why...

First, I'm going to introduce you to Uncle Steve's X-Man mutant power. And you heard it here first: Future Punking, aka Future Shocking you little plebes for kicks. And he's sooooo good at it, the troll-fu has always been strong with this one. I have to agree with Frasier Spiers and his assessment of the whole iPad thing. Y'all been done Future Shocked. Punked. Future Punked!

Cry me a River, Adopey. iPhone and iPad: NOT YOURS

[UPDATE: Even Gruber over at Daringfireball says that the Flash clubkids should STFU.]

I've occasionally blogged about the outsourcing / offshoring stupidity of Microsoft & Adobe, and here's the little A, AGAIN, getting all uppity with the big A, Apple, to the point where even sleepy little blog TUAW sits up and notices Uncle Steve's slam at Adobe in the iPad demo, Adobe speaks up about Flash on the iPad.

I didn't hear any 'where's the Flash?' questions being reported there, did you?

I left comment #56, and this commenter, Tom, has more than enough clue about the early days:

Vivek Wadhwa: TechCrunch Hacked. Again. E tu, Clubkids?

Oh, so *that's why* all my little pearls of wisdom 'disappear' from my little sahib's posts:

RT @yanguang: Watch for missing comments? I smell conspiracy> Maybe the comments will come back now! :)
about 9 hours ago from TweetDeck

TechCrunch hacked again.
about 9 hours ago from TweetDeck

[From vivek wadhwa (vwadhwa) on Twitter]

So, my little sahib, lemme get this straight. Your clubkids, with their offshore datacenters running the same 'dependable' web 2.0 technology will save the State of California. Yups.

Vivek Wadhwa wants his Clubkids to Fix Sacramento? Cute.

Ah, it looks like my little sahib is trying to talk up his clubkid protégés in TechCrunch, seeing as he needs a vacay from his Xenophobe/Cave schtick. Evidently, though, some folks took issue with his ‘We’ze from da bay area, we save you economy with our ‘For Lease’ signs mentality, aka ‘innovation’:

rainier seidel - January 26th, 2010 at 10:38 am PST
The professor remains clueless. Silicon Valley is about innovation. Government is about regulation. If the energies of innovators are wasted tilting at windmills, the economy is toast.

Evidently the professor does not leave his ivory tower often enough to understand what keeps the economy functioning.

[From Calling All Entrepreneurs: California Needs You]

Of course, before this comment was a storm of schticky elevator pitches

IFPI Loses “Deep-Linking” Case Against Baidu (via TorrentFreak)

BAIDU is Google's competition in the PRC. Isn't this nice timing?

What did I just say about 'all your IP are belong to China?'

In 2008, Baidu was sued for around $9 million by Sony BMG, Universal Music and Warner Music for providing so-called “deep-links” to copyright music tracks. A court has now ruled that providing search results does not breach copyright law, clearing China’s biggest search engine of wrong-doing.

[From IFPI Loses “Deep-Linking” Case Against Baidu | TorrentFreak]

Can't say I'm very empathetic nor sympathetic about the MAFIAA going against and losing to the Chinese. If they want the WORST the United States has to offer, I say give it to them.

Drunky out.

[this seems very apropo]

"Year Zero" (Nine Inch Nails)

China v. India v. Japan, Inc., and How They Regard Each Other

Hello youngs, it's your Uncle Drunky. Today, I'd like to talk about my various experiences with the three (country), Inc., as the western press seems to like to 'brand' these folks. First, I'll talk about the granddaddy, Japan, Inc. and how they were going to overrun us in the mid 80s to early 90s, how they fizzled, and where they are now. Then I'll do the same with the other two. So sorry for any oversimplifications, but hey this is the 20,000 foot view-- look all this stuff up yourself if you don't believe me.

What to Expect From Apple’s Tablet Unveiling | Gadget Lab | Wired.com

So. Here are my predictions for the day after tomorrow's "Apple Event":

Posted by: srrojo | 01/25/10 | 5:49 am
My predictions to add to Brian’s ones.. sorry, can’t slam the clubkid this time.. Here we go; 1/ the cheaper LCD to keep the price down; 2/ 32-64 gig SSD 3/ The return of INK. That’s right kids, the Newton handwriting technology, in addition to a scaled up iPhone keyboard. Maybe some haptic feedback or rumble action. 4/ Network ‘pairing’ with an iPhone either via BlueTooth or WiFi channel, in iPhone/iPad OS4. This may be hacked by the jailbreakers, tho. But for the common non-technical yob, this, along with the price point of somewhat painful $600 - 800 will spell SALE to most folks. All you guys saying ‘no sale’? Hah, Uncle Steve knows how to make you grit your teeth and bend over. Hah.

[From What to Expect From Apple’s Tablet Unveiling | Gadget Lab | Wired.com]

News Spreads about H1B Bodyshop and NJ Court shutting down Blogs

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Mumbai Don says leave the USA? Here is What you Should Know!

If you're really set on heading out as Don Tenant advises, then I would recommend that you heed my advice. Where do I get off? Well. Your Uncle Drunky has lived and worked in more than a few countries for more than a year each. Why don't I do it now that things are reeeeally bad? I'll get to that, and why I call Donnie 'Mumbai Don' now. First to the meat: why would you go overseas?

Thieves, Liars, "Pirates" and the MAFIAA Dicking the Military

Hey kids, it’s ur Uncle Drunky. Again. After my last screed about pirates, Windows, and jailbreaking, one of you guys (actually that guy, Saurik himself, and another guy) wrote me back. And then, after 200+ bunch of fuckwits stole Sean Kovacs’ $1.99 GV Mobile + app which caused me to barf this on a warez board.. I gots to thinkin’….

Oh, and then this bullshit happened:

Being posted overseas in the military without the companionship of friends or family is hard enough, but being separated from entertainment makes things even harder. After letters written to the RIAA, MPAA and media outlets fell on deaf ears, an insider at a US base has revealed that a campaign is underway to download as much as possible.

[From US Military BitTorrent Users Targeted By MPAA/RIAA | TorrentFreak]

Seriously. Go to Torrentfreak and taste the bullshiat stew the MAFIAA’s cookin’.

Vivek Wadhwa: Playin' the Race Card, Smearin' the EFF

[UPDATE: The rebuttals by other folks are posted over at EndH1B and GuestWorkerFraud.]

Oh, my little sahib. Here I was, waiting with ‘bated breath’ to see what you would spring on us poor, lowly “Xenophobes” like yours truly. We cowered in our caves, waiting your mighty Desi wrath….

Instead of outlining WHY the New Jersey judge had a valid reason to shut down the Anti-H1B sites, basically your ‘explosive column’ at TechCrunch was an ignorant rail against the EFF, a Tunnel Rat lovefest, a ‘fair & white man’s burden’ —basically a non-sequitor ‘jugaad’ of a screed than a thoughtful analysis of the facts.

TIRED's so-called 'Coverage' of the Google China fiasco

[UPDATE: And noooow, courtesy of this Slashdot story, and this Wall Street Journal story, Google is investigating their Chinese employees.. Well, like DUH.]

I mean, who makes up this sensationalist tripe? Evidently her name is Kim Zetter, interviewing some guy named Alpo. The result is pure dogfood, I mean doggerel:

...The programs unloaded seamlessly and silently onto the system, like Russian nesting dolls, flowing one after the other.

“The initial piece of code was shell code encrypted three times and that activated the exploit,” Alperovitch said. “Then it executed downloads from an external machine that dropped the first piece of binary on the host. That download was also encrypted. The encrypted binary packed itself into a couple of executables that were also encrypted.”

[From Google Hack Attack Was Ultra Sophisticated, New Details Show | Threat Level | Wired.com]

I'm sorry, but Kim-Kim, you're trying way too hard to channel William Gibson. Please stop. If I hear the magic word 'encrypted' one more time I think I shall cry into my beer.

A New Boomer Dumbass enters the Fray: Don Tenant [updated]

[UPDATE for 2010.01.21: Don Tenant spews again. And I break my own rule. Oh. fsckin' well.]

Let the great ranty smegging begin-

The dumbass in question goes by the name "Don Tenant." He's about as literate as Sarah Lacey, but can't seem to turn a phrase like she occasionally lucks out in doing. Anyway, he seems to be the resident shill for India, Inc. Or willfully obtuse. You be the judge.

In fact, as far as unreadability goes, he ties with Ellen Brandt, Piled Higher & Deeper for long winded content-free Vogon prose. Both of these former love children are in desperate need of "The Elements of Style". As well as a reality check.

I get to read his drivel so you don't have to. Thank me later, plodding thru his tripe is a CHORE-- Seriously, every piece of drivel he writes can easily be rebutted in 2 sentences or LESS:

Ah, My Little Sahib is on the move. Again.

It didn't take long for my little sahib's spirits to rise again. For he doth twot:

My TechCrunch piece tomorrow discusses the difference between free speech and hate speech. It takes the EFF on for losing its way,
about 2 hours ago

[From vivek wadhwa (vwadhwa) on Twitter]

....aaaand I looove how he ends it on a comma. Such melodrama! I should be taking notes. Oh wait. I am.

We wait, my little sahib, with bated breath. From our caves....

I have to say. That little bird on your shoulder makes you look like a sexy Desi pirate. Arrrrrrrrrrr-chod!

Mentok out.

Dear Saurik and iPhone-DevTeam: Stop Helping the Empire

Hello guys, it’s your Uncle Drunky. The Uncle you never knew you had, right? I’m pretty much a greybeard. Indulge a burned out old jailbreaker who’s (re)learning C/ObjC, okay?

Anywho, let’s cut to the chase: For the next firmware update to the iPhone & iPod Touch, Saurik’s sayin’ it’s gonna be brutal:

Anyone else find this calm before the storm somewhat unsettling? iPhone OS 3.1.2 came out /two months ago/. I’m expecting 3.2 to be brutal.8:46 AM Dec 5th, 2009 from web

Dear Uncle Steve: I Can Has Camera & MESHNet by 2015? Hold the Flash

Hello Uncle Stevie, it’s one of your unwashed little geek fans, Drunky. Longtime fan here, who just acquired an iPhone 3GS after 5 years with Symbian/Noke tech. What a caveman I’ve been.

As we both know, nothing really moves until the midpoint of an era — I’m kinda nonplussed about anything really happening in 2010. What I do know is that 2015 will be a very interesting time. Let me tell you why, and pray indulge me. Because you’ll finally usher us into the 21st century. How? Connectivity. High touch.